Several months ago after lamenting my lack of craftiness, my friend Kate (Crafty Kate!) insisted I join Pinterest. So I did. And then did absolutely nothing with my account. The concept was way over my head. WTF is a pin? You have bulletin boards? Online? I didn’t get it. And I was too pregnant and tired to care.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago. My friend Kim (Crafty Kim!) was visiting
me the baby, and in the rare moment spent not admiring my beautiful baby girl, gave me a Pinterest tutorial. All of a sudden it clicked. Ohhhh, Pinterest is a site to collect decor ideas, recipes, fashion trends, etc. that I will never, ever use. Genius!
I was hooked. During those painfully early hours in the morning spent nursing when nobody is posting on Facebook, Pinterest is a great time-passer. And unlike Words With Friends, I can’t lose to my brother on Pinterest. Those 3 AM feedings suddenly seemed a bit brighter. It didn’t take long for me to realize how completely Pinterest is ruining my life. Here’s why:
1) A few nights ago the baby woke me up at around 3:30 AM. Feeding her with iPad at my side, I scrolled and pinned, pinned, pinned. Once the baby was satiated, I put her to bed and continued to pin, pin, pin. Wait, what? What chronically sleep-deprived new mom sacrifices any precious moment of sleep to PIN? At 4:00 AM, no less!? This gal. Conclusion: Pinterest has made me insane.
2) I am way to OCD for this website. I can’t just open the page, casually peruse the latest pins and then shut down. Oh, no. I must pin every single insignificant little pin that catches my eye. Coffee cake muffins. Cinnamon glazed donut muffins. Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. The muffins are endless! And how about that leopard-print dress that someone I don’t know and don’t know how I’m following pinned? I’ll never wear it, but heck, it has a cute trim so I’ll repin. Why not? This leads me to excessive and irrational time-wasting, as mentioned in #1. Not to mention that the incessant pinning makes me reexamine my existing boards. After pinning a bizillion or so recipes, my “Get In My Tummy” board will no longer suffice. I’ll need separate appetizer, main course, and dessert boards. And I can’t just have a “Baby” board. I will need a “Baby clothes” board and a “Baby decor” board. No matter that I already have a perfectly decorated nursery. Once again, Pinterest is takes over my life. It also leads to another Pinterest problem. Please continue reading.
3) The likelihood that I actually implement any of my pins – whether a DIY project, a recipe, or party theme – whatever! – is slim to none. Who has the time, money, or calories? Or in Crafty Kim’s case, 17 bedrooms to implement all the nursery ideas she’s pinned? (Sidenote: she’s pregnant. She’s not just obsessed with nurseries.) I certainly don’t! I barely have time to shower, but I’m going to repaint a vintage dresser? Hah! (Yet I do find the time to pin the painted vintage dresser and seven others just like it. Evil, evil website.)
4) Pinterest is crushing my self-esteem. Even if I did have the time to attempt any of the cute crafty ideas or delicious recipes, I know in my heart I would absolutely fail. Those pretty decoupage coasters would end up a lumpy, glue-y mess. Homemade campfire bars would wind up with more marshmallow in my hair than in the dessert. Yet I can’t stop, distracted and disillusioned by pretty pictures, filled with false hope that someday I can be a craft queen, that I can sew that gorgeous dress. Then in a devastating blow to my self-esteem, I remember that I can’t sew a button.
Pinterest is Internet crack. It’s self-destructive and soul-crushing, but I must. keep. pinning. Someone send help.