Posts Tagged "Babies"

The SnotSucker

Posted on Mar 5, 2015 in Adulthood Stole My Cool, My Kid Stole My Cool

The SnotSucker 0

Hello there, Interwebz. It’s been awhile.  A lot has happened since I last posted, but I’ll fill you in on all that another day.  Suffice to say, I have been existing in a sort of  semi-conscious state for several months. The baby. He does not sleep. I thought he would have grown out of the not-sleeping thing by now, but no. It’s torture.

(No, really. Chronic sleep deprivation is literally torture. I think Jack Bauer taught me that.)

But all this is unimportant compared to a life-changing invention that I’m about to introduce you to.  Ready for it?

It’s called… The Snotsucker.

Yup, you read that right.  The Snotsucker.


Before I fill you in on this amazing/disgusting invention, a little background: It’s March. And it’s snowing. And it’s been snowing for pretty much ever. And Elisabeth has been in school approximately two days in the last month. And I am very much going crazy. Which explains why my first post in almost six months is about a nasal aspirator. Please send help in the form of babysitters, vacations to tropical islands, and tequila.

Okay, back to the Snotsucker. You savvy moms out there are probably already well-acquainted with this. It is the thing to have to effectively clear your baby’s nasal passages.  I mean, they sell it at Nordstrom so you know it’s trendy.  And who doesn’t want a trendy nasal aspirator?

Well I sure do! As I just mentioned it’s March and apparently I live in Siberia and for the past five months everyone in my house has been circulating The Crud. For those of us with well-developed fine motor skills, blowing our nose is not an issue.  The baby, unfortunately,  frequently has a bulb syringe shoved up his nose to suction out all the boogies. And there are oh-so-many boogies. With the Snotsucker, the baby still has a foreign object shoved up his nose, but one that much more effectively clears out all the snot.  It’s seriously amazing. And I’m not even being sarcastic.

It all started when I was wandering around – you guessed it – Nordstrom sometime during my third trimester. It had only been two-odd years since my first baby was born, yet somehow in that brief time the baby industry invented a slew of new products designed to make me feel like I was completely unprepared to bring my second baby in the world, despite the boxes of swings, mats, feeding supplies, toys, etc. I owned that suggested otherwise.  As I was despairing my lack of a battery operated baby nail trimmer, I noticed a shelving unit displaying The Honest Company products and some fancy-sounding European brand of baby toiletries. It was probably French. If you’ve read any parenting article recently, you know that French Parents are Superior at Everything, which I’m sure extends to their baby bath soaps and lotions.

I had hit the mother lode: Jessica Alba and French stuff. And proudly displayed alongside these hot commodities was the NoseFrida Snotsucker.

I was intrigued so more closely inspected the package. Hey – it was made in Sweden! A doctor-invented, doctor-recommended, hygienic baby product from the land of Ikea? I had to have it. The packaging even declared it “smart,” which is really incredible considering it’s an inanimate object. (I will also note that the website lists this as dishwasher safe. A selling point so strong that it is actually listed twice! Now you have a dishwasher safe, doctor-invented, doctor-recommended, hygienic, smart, Swedish baby product! What more could you possibly want?)




Anyway, baby James arrived and was snot-free for many months. I forgot about this mysterious Swedish product. And then we moved to somewhere that is not California. And then came the snot. All the snot. All the time. Normally this would be a nuisance, but I had some strange European thing that would surely work miracles!

I excitedly took out the Snotsucker. I was ready to clear James’ nose like no one’s business. And then I read the directions.

You guys. You actually suck the snot out of the baby’s nose. Like, with your mouth. Though the name “Snotsucker” makes its purpose fairly obvious, (as does the illustration on the packaging) this fact somehow escaped me. I claim baby brain.

Now think about this. At some point some Swedish sadist came along and thought, “Hey, being a mom isn’t humiliating and disgusting enough. Let’s invent something with which she physically removes her child’s snot with her mouth.” Then he (because it had to be a he) marketed this in cute packaging and sold it at Nordstrom and people like me bought it.  And because I spent money on a fancy European snot-sucking device when the hospital will give you a bulb syringe for free, I had to use it.

So I sucked it up (heh) and did it. I put one end of that aspirator into James’ nose and the other in my mouth and sucked, praying I wouldn’t inhale anything. (There are filters to prevent that, but I was wary.) And here’s the thing: It worked. It worked so well. Way, way better than that cheap-o bulb from the hospital. I was amazed! The first few times I used it, James was still small enough to be restrained to accomplish the snot-sucking. Now he is twenty pounds of brute force and would rather fling himself off the changing table than have anything forced up his naval cavity, so I fear my days of snot-sucking are numbered. But I’m grateful for the limited time I had with the Snotsucker.

Moms – buy this product. People who know moms-to-be – buy them this product. You don’t even have to go Nordstrom – it’s sold on Amazon! And pretty much every baby site you can think of! (Um, maybe I was just out of the loop on this thing?) Regardless – don’t be out of the loop like me. I love it and you will love it, too. So buy it.*

You might be interested to know that this company also has a product designed to alleviate a baby’s gas, the Windi. Given the unconventionality of the Snotsucker, I’m not sure I want to try the Windi. I have to have some boundaries. But if you have used it, please let me know how it is.


*This is not a paid review. Seriously – who would pay anyone to write a review like this?





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Who’s The Boss?

Posted on Dec 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

3 and a half weeks!  I truly wish I could blog more, but I also wish I could brush my teeth before noon and that’s not going to happen, either.  So better make this one count. Forever ago I wrote about my dad wanting Elisabeth to call him “Boss”.  I responded with a loud rejection of this moniker, noting that I’m the only boss in my household.  To which E. has since responded, “You think you’re the boss? I’ll show you who’s the boss!” When E. was first born, she was silent.  For days, she barely uttered a peep.  Which totally freaked me out.  Why wasn’t my baby crying!?  Babies are supposed to cry!  Something must be terribly wrong!  Everyone told me I’m lucky, just relax, enjoy it. So I did.  I had the perfect baby.  And not just in temperament; I’d like to note she also had a perfectly round head at birth.  A non cone-head, non crying infant!  With amazing neck strength to boot!  And so alert!  AND a champion eater (her mother’s daughter, indeed).  Doctors want to see babies regain their birth weight by 2 weeks old.  At 11 days, E. had not only regained to her original 8lbs 1oz – she had far surpassed it:  8lbs 8.9oz.  The Doc told me they want babies to be gaining 15-30 grams a day; E. was gaining 43. Good news all around: E. had a healthy appetite, and because she was gaining so quickly, I was given permission to extend the length of time between her nighttime feedings to 5 hours instead of 3.  Woohoo!  Sleep was in my future! My vision of blissful days and restful nights were quickly dashed. Whereas until then she had been sleeping so deeply she had been difficult to wake to feed as required, she began waking herself every 2-3 hours demanding chow.  Eat MORE?  How is that possible?!  43 grams a day and she isn’t satisfied?! She also began discovering her lungs right around this time.  While still not really crying, she began fussing a bit.  Then a little crying here...

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Posted on Dec 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

Yesterday Elisabeth* turned 2 weeks old, and so far has made it through her first weeks relatively unscathed – a miracle, if you ask me. I have two younger brothers.  I started babysitting when I was 12.  I have always been comfortable around babies – taking care of infants was a breeze! And then I had my own.  Now I am a model of ineptitude. Want to semi-suffocate your child while dressing her?  Watch me!  Go through three diapers in one changing session?  I’m your gal!  At least I haven’t let her roll off the changing table or dunk her thumb in hot coffee (ahem, mom and dad). How did this happen?  Where did the ease with which I used to handle babies go?  This child has rendered me completely clueless. And then there is all her stuff.  The car seat, the stroller, the sling.  It’s bad enough that the kid doesn’t come with an instruction manual – why can’t her gear? (Oh wait.  Most of it does.  I may have let my husband read them hoping he would always be around to do the work for me.  Bad call on my part.) Yesterday my mom and I took the baby on her first outing to Target.  Big step for baby!  Bigger step for me.  After spending the better part of an hour stocking up on diapers (how did we already go through all our diapers?!) and wipes and the other miscellaneous items one inevitably finds while shopping at Target, I needed to nurse.  I strolled Elisabeth out to the car, unhooked the car seat from the Graco stroller frame on loan from a friend, and then stared at said stroller frame, dumbfounded.  How in the world does it fold?  It was a complete mystery. Flash back just hours earlier, as we were loading up the car: “Let’s take the stroller frame!” I suggested, noting how compact and neatly folded it was. “Do you know how to use it?” My mom asked. “How hard can it be?” I answered brazenly, and into the trunk it went. My brash attitude...

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Labor Pains

Posted on Dec 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

Home from the hospital for over a week.  Hard to believe; the eat-sleep-diaper change cycle (or sleep-diaper change-eat or diaper-change-eat-diaper-change-sleep-diaper change-diaper change-eat-diaper change cycle) has made the days and nights all sort of blend together.  With grandparents temporarily in residence, it is quite possible that Miss Elisabeth Lucy is the most adored baby on the planet.  As it should be. Yet somehow, off-hand comments about “the next one” have snuck into conversation.  The next one?  Are you kidding me?  I’ve been told that women simply forget the uncomfortable-ness of pregnancy and the pain of labor – or else why on Earth would anyone ever put themselves through that again?  I am skeptical. My contractions started on Sunday evening.  Of course – that way I got to stay up all night before going into active labor!  Three cheers for sleep deprivation!  My hospital’s rule was to come in at 4-1-1: When contractions were 4 minutes apart, lasted 1 minute each, and had been this way for 1 hour.  Screw your rules, I say!  My contractions showed no consistency in length or time apart, so after a very unpleasant and sleepless night, I determined the hospital would just have to admit me anyway, and off we went around 6:00 AM. What do you know, but the doctor I had seen my past two appointments happened to be there. “Hey!  Good to see you in here before the holiday!”  Yeah, good, let’s move this along.  In triage, the nurse had determined I was 3 centimeters dilated (that’s all?!), 90% effaced and at zero station.  I didn’t really know what any of that means, but judging from her chipper tone, I took it to be a good thing.  Except for the only 3 centimeters.  The doctor confirmed all this and sent me on a walk to move things along. Walk? After the longest hour-walk in the history of man, I was re-admitted and told that absolutely nothing had changed.  Of course not. “You have two options,” the Doc informed me.  “You can go home and come back a few days later once you’re...

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