I don’t really know where to start.
I never post about “serious” things on this blog. I am an opinionated person, but I very intentionally stay away from headlines, politics, etc. because this blog for me – and hopefully for you readers – is a way to get away from all that. It’s supposed to be a lighthearted look into my life as a new mom, a way to find the funny in the everyday. But there just doesn’t seem to be a lot of funny right now.
I had a load of things I wanted to write about – and I will, eventually – but I can’t get the Sandy Hook tragedy out of my head. Sitting down to write about my daughter’s birthday party knowing those 20 children will never have another birthday party seems somehow disrespectful. And utterly heartbreaking.
I feel at a loss. Every time I see another news report on Newtown or a profile of a victim, I fight to keep my composure (not very successfully). Honestly, I’ve tried to avoid it, cowardly though that may sound, because it becomes overwhelmingly painful to try to process this tragedy. I wonder, if this had happened before Elisabeth was born, before I was a parent, would it feel so intensely personal? And then I realize that as horrible as I feel – someone with no personal connections to that community – I cannot begin to comprehend how the families of those killed must feel. How do you comfort those families? How do you honor those precious children and their brave educators?
I don’t know. All I know is now that I’m a parent, the idea of anything happening to my daughter is single-handedly the most terrifying, gut-wrenching thought. I pray fiercely that she will never be exposed to such violence or tragedy, that she will be able to hold onto childhood innocence for as long as possible. And now my heart has broken over and over not only for those children and teachers so senselessly killed and their families, but also for all those children who survived but have now experienced more trauma and suffering than any child should.
I apologize if this is depressing, if like me, you’ve been trying to escape the Sandy Hook shooting. I guess writing this is my way of processing it.
It’s funny – I long for those rare days Elisabeth will take a nap longer than 30 minutes. She’s been asleep well over an hour now, and all I want to do is go wake her up and give her a hug.